Missing....

There comes a time when you realise you want the quarels more than the peace and harmony... the argumenst more than the silent nods of understanding... the violent bursts of passionate anger more than the appeasement... the fight more than the compromise and sacrifice... the silent hidden tears more than the boisterious whole hearted laughter...

A moment of standstill...

These moments of standstill between the hours of eternal running about, trying to be on time, sometimes failing, faltering... keeping commitments.. prioritising.. trying to get somewhere.. or get away...
Moments visited once in a while.. cherished till they last...
Promising yourself you'l get it all sorted out .. think over it all when these moments come.. if they do..
Once they come.. not wanting to move yourself to such monumental talk.. put it off.. over refrains of any "sunny came home.." .. put it off for a later, more suitable time..

Next time when I am rushing to or away ... will remind myself there's someone .. sitting in the corner chair of a cafe.. looking at me.. thinking of all this..

Trade off....

I wonder if it'd be better to be aware of the gnawing emptyness..intelligent awareness of the futility of it all.. the knwledge that the past and the future are nothing but probably just solitude... all throbbing with the same pain and hope.. of a release... or a possible combat..for some...

Or is it better to be blissfully ignorant..finding happiness in the mundane...breaking out into a smile with a fall of an autumn leaf... but not without fallouts... of being thought of as a fool..hearing sniggers behind the back... not just a figment of imagination... knowing.. the insulting looks in other's eyes... and being painfully aware of them..

I wonder about those who are neither of these.. truly blissfull... practicality they call..

and then the fate of those people... who are both... aware... and happy...
with every speck of it tainted...terribly so...

Washing Elephants....

“ what is it that you'd really really like to do in life….?”
“ Wash elephants…”
An Incredulous look washes over KD’s face…
A minute’s silence…and half a sutta later...
“ That’s in some metaphorical context.. I’m sure… just trying to figure out what that really means…”
“ No honestly…. That’s what I WANT to do… if only it could pay me enough… I’d leave this job and go straight to doing that….”
The look of incredulity is still there…
“ What exactly do you mean… Washing elephants…”
“ you know… Big Dusty elephants… take them to the river edge or a pond and .. well… wash them…”
And I tell him about how utterly blissful they look when they are getting bathed…. How they close their eyes while you scrub them down… how those big gentle creatures totally submit to you.. as if you are all they think exist at that moment…( not unlike the pedicure- manicure sessions kind of bliss…) and how the small baby elephants think its just a game… you clean them.. they run off to the bank of the river… roll in the mud .. and then run into the water again… just to go back to the muddy bank… over and over again… its fascinating really..
He's smiling and thinking i guess....

Back to the cubby seat in the office bay…my inbox pings after ten mins...
And this is wat KD had to say …..
“
"I like washing elephants"!
Well I must say I could never learn to wash elephants, somehow it is quite difficult when you are an elephant yourself. This statement could be a real mover at least when it comes from someone who really knows how to 'wash elephants'.
I am somehwat of an elephant myself and we all are some elephants of our own self-assumed size and proportion. Now, elephants are a weird bunch. They live in herds and take much space, have an enormous appetite for everything they can wrap and grab, and think absolutely linear. Elephants do very good in show business and dont think much of the lesser privileged lot. Perhaps, they dont think at all.
I believe science of washing elephant requires tremendous patience of a kind. Here is a short guide to washing elephants, I learnt from someone I happened to know. Please be warned, we will be washing one elephant at a time.
The first job is to sweep the barn out before preparing a hearty breakfast for all the elephants. A breakfast is very important for elephants.After breakfast it's time to wash behind their ears! Being such large animals it takes quite a long time to wash each elephant but we need to routine down to a fine art. First the elephant is sprayed with a jet hose before they lay down on one side.A jet hose could have a breaking effect on the elephant when he is isn't expecting at all.Using a wire brush and soapy water we scrub from top to toe making sure we don't miss any areas. With one side scrubbed and rinsed, the elephant stands up and then lays down ready for the other side to be cleaned.This could be sometimes hard on the washer but it's a well done job if the washer knows the elephant closely,rather intimately.
Washing the elephants also reinforces the bonds that we have with each of the elephants, they understand that we put a lot of time and effort into looking after them and in turn we have developed strong relationships with each of them.Once the elephants are washed, they must be fed. It is extremely important to keep feeding them (with ideas) during intervals of washing.We will have to wash the elephant's feet to make sure they are clean and free from any small stones or twigs. This is also very important for elephants because elephants just love their feet.
With this science well learned we could perhaps wash as many elephants as we can queue them up. Good luck!
Note: Elephants are like people, I apologise. Plaease give me the opportunity to restate myself. People are like Elephants.
“

I’m laughing for the next ten mins non stop… ( my colleagues think I’m probably a freak anyways… so no questions… just those looks…)
Buzz him and tell him…. Its perfect… just perfect…
Except that… well no soap water is used…
He doesn’t believe it…. I guess it assaults his civilized senses to think that a bath is really possible without soap….
But that’s how it is… a Scrub .. a thorough one at that… behind ears and all…is what is needed.So when you are following the above instructions… they are perfect except..
No soap when you wash elephants…
Pls keep that in mind… it’s a really important detail.

People or elephants……you dont need soapy water... pond water is good enough for baptising...

Diwali Almost...

Saw crackers in the sky the other evening. Diwali’s around the corner…. And it kind of fills me with this dread… will feel it more acutely. I know perfectly well won’t be that day... like the ones gone... doesn’t rub in so easily too…
I kind of like to think about the run up to diwali eve back then…. The week long preparations… hanging up the lights with dad…. Finding new strategic places to stick in the nails for them... arguing whose way was better… being run after by mum to clean up…and doing it so thoroughly that it wouldn’t get done till a week after diwali…Making fun of Di making Rangoli… posing with it in the end for pics… secretly envying her genius.. Saying ‘I can do it too…’ and inside ‘Ya right! In your dreams ‘…the eternal runs to the market…the role of ‘chhotu’ for the not-so-creative one…make phone calls from morning till evening… inevitably forgetting many … promising to make the never –ever made calls after the festivities… the arguing all thru the week about not bursting crackers… to protest the pollution, noise, child labor blah blah…. And that evening … unable to resist… start with a sparkler… graduate in ten minutes to rockets and whatever could lay your hands on…. Guilty pleasures far more innocent then … and end the night with the gang… on the 7th floor terrace… looking at the lights in the sky… compete as to who could spot the most lovely ones…
a yearly ritual even if just that….