Angels

All angels fall someday...
or atleast trip.

And collect themselves
Go back to flying and saving the world today
Albeit with a hidden glint of guilt in their eyes.

But yes, all angels fall someday or atleast trip...

Winds of change....

... and how..!!

Just a month and a half since the scene shifted - no longer an earning hand , no longer the mom of a naughty 1 yr old cat, no more cozy familiar day 2 day living , no more at the mercy of a lazy saturday afternoon to sink into a charade of what ifs and maybes..

Maybe all for good. Maybe.

Fights I likes!!

Fought with KD yesterday, appaled by his apathy to the way things are and how he thinks they'll never change. Shouted at himm, abused him, tried to use reason, logic and witticism ( if there was any left by that time).
Walked off in a huff , from an argument where he just wouldnt listen. And a minute later, was smiling to myself, alone.

I guess he's the only one with whom I can fight like this, and say " No hard feelings!!" and really mean it. :)

Msged him about an hour later. " people like me will make people like you believe".

He replied."Wouldnt have provoked you if i doubted that....".

:)

The Battle of Me's

I sometimes wonder about this lump in my throat .. the one that comes up for apparantly no obvious reason... when I eat alu gobi, when i see mum on skype , when i stand in a really quite gurdwara, when i meet an old friend from the time when i was carefree , when i finish a trek and stand on top of the peak, when i see an ocean , see an abandoned animal and walk away from it, when i look into the mirror and see my eyes. I guess its abt the options at every step in life and how i did not have the courage to take the right ones. How now i have conditioned myself to be grown up- a fake laugh around new people to make them comfortable and silence around ppl who are known and familiar . Just someone who is shut mouth in the face fo conflict.Probably scared. Probably too grown up.

I dont want that lump.But its obvious who'll win.

My baby...

Got a baby cat on Feb 12th. Wont call him a kitten, cos ..well.. he isnt that. He's an almost cat..with a character, with loads of affection, with a meow that oozes of love.

I'd seen him a week earlier at the Cupa shelter in Hebbal (thanks to Dee) and it was love at first meow. He answered back to every sweet nothing I threw him.He was definitely not the most beautiful cat there(a thin orange scrawny creature) , neither the most playful, nor the most healthy (he had a runny tummy and a fractured leg when i met him) but definitely the warmest. I thought of all the pro's and cons to haveing a pet, given my own irresponsible bachelor-dom oozing lifestyle. Thought for a week and by the end of it, Jalebi was nesting in my appt- a scared tiny fellow ,clinging to me and GM (his first play-buddy) for protection ,never wanting to be left for a minute.

Last month and half has been such an experience- Litter box poopy-training him and his first poop-accident,giving him a cruel bath ,getting him his first toys, clipping his nails,finding he was lactose intolerent, leaving him alone for the first time,finding his first vet and the best pet shop ever (glendal's), his first vaccination shots , his first Facebook Pics, his first fish, his first lizard, first cockroach and his first mouse that he proudly got home to show his momma, daily hours long playing sessions that'd tire out everyone but him, the first time he stayed out the night ( with me crying for him ..of cors!) and his daily sojourns thereon, his first enemy- the big gray cat that we faced together , the time he got a pack of dogs to follow him to our 2nd floor appt ( Im sure he's been acting too playful with them..),the time he hurt himself under the fridge perhaps,the time i was drunk and he'd not smell me cos of the stink just be around me, the smacks i give everytime he scratches me, the 15 min show of affection everyday i get home frm work, the sleeping off on my feet, my hand, my shoulder,my stomach,head ,just abt any thing so that he can feel me nearby (strangely, I cant sleep without him near me either).

Evryine thinks ive gon insane- talking abt him 24/7 ,shopping only for him, worrying when he's away for too long. Mum dad are not too happy abt this distraction as they call it.Di likes him, probably cos he talked to her over the fone. GM loves him almost as much as I do ( and i thought he was a dog person)and strangely, although Jalebi and him dont meet too frequently, after me i can safely say he's the most comfortabke with GM. Dhi says I'm ready for motherhood now and I secretly think dhi's jealous of the way jalebi and me talk to each other. She thinks that he's scared of her. He just takes his time ( and of cors some unintended accidents dont help).Btw a drunk Foxy boy saw him when he was a scrawny fellow chasing cockroaches and thats the image he carries everytime I talk abt him -wait till they meet again. And KD only talks to me in meow now- he thinks thats the only language i know now .
All i know is ,I tried real hard not to get attached to this guy cos ..well.. you shouldn't - A male cat will eventually leave you. But well, hard as I may have tried , i guess i failed.(happily)






One and a half months... n now...
everytime I see him jump out the window, walking into the big bad world full of Big Grey cats and packs of dogs , with a confident step and a barely discernable limp , I'm so proud of the almost cat my baby has become.

PS: Im glad i got him when i did , most cats died in the shelter 3 weeks later cos of some infection....

Missing....

There comes a time when you realise you want the quarels more than the peace and harmony... the argumenst more than the silent nods of understanding... the violent bursts of passionate anger more than the appeasement... the fight more than the compromise and sacrifice... the silent hidden tears more than the boisterious whole hearted laughter...

A moment of standstill...

These moments of standstill between the hours of eternal running about, trying to be on time, sometimes failing, faltering... keeping commitments.. prioritising.. trying to get somewhere.. or get away...
Moments visited once in a while.. cherished till they last...
Promising yourself you'l get it all sorted out .. think over it all when these moments come.. if they do..
Once they come.. not wanting to move yourself to such monumental talk.. put it off.. over refrains of any "sunny came home.." .. put it off for a later, more suitable time..

Next time when I am rushing to or away ... will remind myself there's someone .. sitting in the corner chair of a cafe.. looking at me.. thinking of all this..