I sometimes wonder about this lump in my throat .. the one that comes up for apparantly no obvious reason... when I eat alu gobi, when i see mum on skype , when i stand in a really quite gurdwara, when i meet an old friend from the time when i was carefree , when i finish a trek and stand on top of the peak, when i see an ocean , see an abandoned animal and walk away from it, when i look into the mirror and see my eyes. I guess its abt the options at every step in life and how i did not have the courage to take the right ones. How now i have conditioned myself to be grown up- a fake laugh around new people to make them comfortable and silence around ppl who are known and familiar . Just someone who is shut mouth in the face fo conflict.Probably scared. Probably too grown up.
I dont want that lump.But its obvious who'll win.
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Monday, April 5, 2010
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Diwali Almost...
Saw crackers in the sky the other evening. Diwali’s around the corner…. And it kind of fills me with this dread… will feel it more acutely. I know perfectly well won’t be that day... like the ones gone... doesn’t rub in so easily too…
I kind of like to think about the run up to diwali eve back then…. The week long preparations… hanging up the lights with dad…. Finding new strategic places to stick in the nails for them... arguing whose way was better… being run after by mum to clean up…and doing it so thoroughly that it wouldn’t get done till a week after diwali…Making fun of Di making Rangoli… posing with it in the end for pics… secretly envying her genius.. Saying ‘I can do it too…’ and inside ‘Ya right! In your dreams ‘…the eternal runs to the market…the role of ‘chhotu’ for the not-so-creative one…make phone calls from morning till evening… inevitably forgetting many … promising to make the never –ever made calls after the festivities… the arguing all thru the week about not bursting crackers… to protest the pollution, noise, child labor blah blah…. And that evening … unable to resist… start with a sparkler… graduate in ten minutes to rockets and whatever could lay your hands on…. Guilty pleasures far more innocent then … and end the night with the gang… on the 7th floor terrace… looking at the lights in the sky… compete as to who could spot the most lovely ones…
a yearly ritual even if just that….
I kind of like to think about the run up to diwali eve back then…. The week long preparations… hanging up the lights with dad…. Finding new strategic places to stick in the nails for them... arguing whose way was better… being run after by mum to clean up…and doing it so thoroughly that it wouldn’t get done till a week after diwali…Making fun of Di making Rangoli… posing with it in the end for pics… secretly envying her genius.. Saying ‘I can do it too…’ and inside ‘Ya right! In your dreams ‘…the eternal runs to the market…the role of ‘chhotu’ for the not-so-creative one…make phone calls from morning till evening… inevitably forgetting many … promising to make the never –ever made calls after the festivities… the arguing all thru the week about not bursting crackers… to protest the pollution, noise, child labor blah blah…. And that evening … unable to resist… start with a sparkler… graduate in ten minutes to rockets and whatever could lay your hands on…. Guilty pleasures far more innocent then … and end the night with the gang… on the 7th floor terrace… looking at the lights in the sky… compete as to who could spot the most lovely ones…
a yearly ritual even if just that….
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)